Friday, March 04, 2005
oh my darlingsi am so sad today.
is it not quarterlife u tell me. ive never cried so much in my whole life before. oh why cant everything be the same again. like we can nicely anticipate end of the school day, wait at someones klassbench den take 852 back to neighborhood for longjohnsilver. that is own sweet time, sweetest time.
argh i feel like everyone is taking a bit of happiness from me. untill i ma so reduced. to tears with no chocolates in my room. everyday is marked with bad things, evil things, cannot make it to fav klass, waste time in useless klass, overdue assignments, ghost in my block, must rem to call mama, must teach agatha to do math, must quarrel with my man, must rush from people to people for fear of their disappointment only to be ignored and reprimanded at, must endure the stupid frivolous weather, the thing tt bites feet at night, must plan when to go home when to come back so that no one is upset, must report on event i wasnt even at, must ask for money all the time, must rem to save money, must bring my phone arnd, must be on time, must read emails, must go for mtgs, must smile at people, must cook my own noodles when i quarrel with my man, must find my own detergent, must let the black cat lick me, must kill moths myself, must endure when blanga stare at me, must borrow cashcard from pple or else cannot do laundry, must know what to tell papa when he asks bout school,skip lectures and learn that every module counts towards cap points, no project group, no attendance marks, no participation marks, no assignment marks also, must be torn between a million things in a course of my sad lil hour. and yesterday to prevent moths i switched off my lights and tripped in my lil miserable room and i ve a big orhchaire on my knee and many small black ones on my arm. i am in pain! and i miss my black umbrella. today it rained i brought out the new black umbrella but i just didnt want to use it. i miss my umbrella which neighbor always retrieves for me.
oh my friends can we just die and go back to the old days. ahhh im so sad
dunno why i canot hold it together anymore. i just want to be weak and cry and cry and cry. everyone leaves me, all my dearest friends and strangers. even my umbrella
fuck at 1:05 AM